Broken

It's the broken
ones
that
heal
the world.

Mr. Big

Well hello..
Mr. Big..
Mr. Wonderful.
Mr. Emotionally Unavailable.
Mr. I am not sure how to feel.
Listen closely....
Do you hear it?
That's the sound of me
not loving you
anymore.
How'd that feel?

She is...

She is...

She is strong.

Stronger than anyone I have ever known.

She is cigarettes and coffee..and hairspray.

She is beauty...

She is Chanel No. 5.

She is young

She is old...

Mistakes..and triumphs..

She is children and family.

She is a sister

and a daughter.

She is laughter..

my God she is laughter..

She loves me and my

two children.

She is safe.

Blocking out the world..

from all of my mistakes.

Accepting me

as I am

Loving me

regardless.

She is late night..

early morning calls..

of help and advice.

Acceptance.

No matter what.

She is Christmas.

She loves my children

probably more than she loves me...

And I love that.

She is quilts...and sewing

She is strength.

She endures.

She stands up for me ..

when no one else does.

She is unconditional.

She is a beautiful young woman...

a mother

going through life..

and here we are..

She is a grandmother...

She is strength

and endurance

And when I look

in the

mirror

I see

a little

bit of

her..

And I understand

As a mother

As a sister

As a daughter..

I now understand the struggle.

I am proud.

I understand.

I am her daughter.

She is...

My Mother.

Not Yours

I have just now had the realization

that this is my town

not yours

my town

my ghosts that haunt me

on these streets

walks at night

first kisses in the snow

fast cars

staying out past curfew

first loves

Jr. High

High School

and all that goes with it

heartaches and triumphs

my town

not yours

these streets hold my memories

my childhood

my secrets

not yours.

Skinned knees

Skinned hearts

this is where I found myself

found myself

lost myself

ghosts of betrayal

and affairs

marriages ending

motorcycle rides in the rain

Christmas's

Birthday's

kisses in the dark

this is my town

not yours

I grew up here

my children grew up here.

you

you showed up here

long after the fact

Long after.

Those are my memories

imprinted on the

brick covered streets

The leaves in the fall

They hold my secrets

not yours

Not your streets

Not your leaves

Not your secrets

Not your town....

Strong enough

What came first the chicken or the egg? What you think about grows. And so I struggle to figure it out... Did my constant worrying this would happen.. cause the outcome? or is it something that was written long ago something I had no control over? Something destined. Ever since he was young I would watch him and have that fear what if what if he chose that path? It was my worst fear.. crept into my head right before I would fall asleep. Please God...not him..not me. Such pride and admiration for those who do.. but I am not strong enough. As he grew I could see it coming.. Was it irrational.. or was it a knowing a mothers' intuition. Either way The outcome is still the same whether it was my worst fear that I manifested myself or something God was trying to prepare me for.. again either way my son is going to fight a war on the other side of the world and I am filled with fear and pride. It's time. It's here. Ready or not.. it is here. The funny thing is.. I am ready I am at peace with it. He is no longer the little boy I raised.. He is a man now. Full of honor and courage.. with the heart of lion.. and now the very least I can do is square my shoulders raise my head up face the fear head on support him.... and know He is leaving to do what he was destined to do. And I...I am strong enough.

Stops my heart

For years I have tried to figure it out..what was it with you..why the connection?  After all this time I have come to the conclusion it is your voice...I am sure I have heard it before...somewhere from long before....from another life..another time...centuries ago...but I recognize it...and even now..years later....when I hear it....for an instant it still stops my heart.

In the moment

Believe people when they tell you to live in the moment...things that didn't seem enough at the time..that left me wanting more...I would give almost anything to have them back now.

some days

Some days without you are easier than others.

Myself

It's a lot harder loving myself when I already know all of my secrets.

remember

Sometimes it is hard to
remember
what is was like
to
be
me.